


Constant Angel

by theinsandoutsofcastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5675515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsandoutsofcastiel/pseuds/theinsandoutsofcastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader has been depressed for about a week and prays for Cas to show up. When he doesn’t, the reader attempts suicide and Cas shows up to save the reader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constant Angel

Warnings: Depression, self harm, blood, attempted suicide, lots of fluff.

Fic:

When it gets cold  
Too dark to see  
Reach in your soul and find me there,  
I’ll always be  
Your constant angel

~Ramin Karimloo, “Constant Angel”

 

“Castiel, please, I need you,” you say out loud to the empty room. Nothing happens. The first time you had been depressed, a dark haired, blue eyed angel in a trench coat had appeared to help you through it. He had claimed to be your guardian angel and promised to watch over you.

Ever since then, Cas would come check up on you once or twice a month just to make sure you were doing ok and to talk. It was nice having him around. You enjoyed his company and his awkwardness was amusing. You wanted to tell people about him, but you were afraid that they would call you crazy if you said an angel appeared to you. Instead, you kept him as your own little secret.

Things had been better since the first time you’d met Cas, until last week that is. You woke up one morning and you just couldn’t bring yourself to get out of bed. It wasn’t like anything bad had happened necessarily; this feeling just seemed to wash over you. For days you had to drag yourself out of bed and force yourself to eat despite your lack of appetite. You tried to find things to do, like read or watch TV, but no matter what you tried, nothing seemed to interest you.

You call out again, but Cas still doesn’t appear. Maybe you had lost your mind and only imagined the angel. You sit on your bed helplessly; you couldn’t take this feeling anymore. This loneliness, this lack of interest in anything and everything you did. You stand from your bed and make your way to your bathroom. Stopping in the hall, you find grab some bubble bath, candles, and matches. If this was how it was going to end, you were at least going to make yourself comfortable first.

You reach the bathroom and plug the tub before turning on the faucet. The water begins to fill the tub and you pour in some bubble bath. You watch as the bubbles form and float across the surface, a calming sent pervading the air. You place the candles around the tub and light them one by one. When you’ve finished, you move to the medical cabinet next to your sink and pull out a razor. You figured it would hurt, but the loss of blood would be like falling asleep.

Placing the razor on the side of the tub, you see that the water has risen high enough so you reach over the edge and turn the faucet off. Slowly, you remove your clothing piece by piece, letting everything fall to the floor around your ankles. You step into the tub before sliding your body down into the water. The perfect warmth calms and comforts you, preparing you for what you’re about to do. You lie in the water for a few moments, collecting your thoughts. Your fingers slip slowly towards the razor you’d left on the edge of the tub and pick it up.

You breathe in shakily as you press the blade to your wrist, not hard enough to draw blood, not yet. The breath slips back out as you drag the blade along your skin from your wrist up towards your elbow. The sting of the blade causes you to wince and you watch as blood drips down your forearm and mixes with the bubbles in the tub. You switch the blade to your other hand and prepare to do the same thing to your other forearm when the sound of wings causes you to jump.

“I apologize for being so late Y/N, I was detained and…” his words trail off as he realizes what you’re doing. He rushes forward and drops to his knees by the tub. Cas plucks the razor from your fingers and tosses it off to the side before grabbing your blood covered wrist. “Why?” he asks as he presses a hand to the cut.

“I don’t know,” you respond, tears streaming down your face. Warmth spreads into your arm as Cas heals the wound. He washes the blood away and presses his lips to your wrist. You pull your wrist away from him and try to use your hands to cover your naked body, embarrassed for him to see you this way. Cas reaches for a towel and holds it out, silently asking you to get out of the tub. You stand slowly and take the towel from him, wrapping it around your body.

“It’s ok,” Cas says as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him.

“I just feel so alone,” you whisper through your tears.

“You’re never alone,” Cas says, “I hear every prayer you send me. Even if I can’t respond, I am constantly there with you. I know things are hard, but please, don’t lose your faith.”

You nod against Cas’ chest and you feel the world shift around you. When you open your eyes, you find yourself in your bedroom. Cas guides you to the bed and sits with his back against the headboard before guiding you to lay against his chest. His arms wrap around you and hold you close to him. “Please don’t do anything like that again,” he pleads, “No matter what you think, there’s nothing worth loosing you for.”

“Thank you Cas,” you whisper. Cas shifts and you feel soft feathers wrap around you and caress your skin.

“I’ll stay with you for as long as you need me,” Cas whispers before placing a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ve watched you fall, but I’ve also seen you get back up again. This won’t last forever and I’ll be here to help you get through all of it. Everything will be ok, I promise.”

You feel yourself becoming calmer with Cas’ words and his embrace helps to soothe you. “You really are my guardian angel,” you whisper.

“And I always will be,” he responds as you drift off to sleep in his arms.


End file.
